Calvin and Hobbes: The Annotated Series
by The Blue Dude
Summary: My second attempt at a parody of Calvin and Hobbes: The Series. No swearing, but there are some adult themes, so if you're sensitive to that kind of stuff, then proceed with caution. I do not hate Calvin and Hobbes: The Series - I actually really like it, but its first season was not really that good. (It definitely got better in the second season and beyond, though.)


_Why yes, I'm trying out another attempt at an abridged series. Feel free to comment your opinions, but please try to make them coherent and reasonable. I don't actually __**hate **_The Series – _I just think its earlier seasons were weaker._

_Also, I do not own Calvin or Hobbes; that would be Bill Watterson and his syndicate. Pretty sure all of Swing123's OCs are fair game, though, since they're not copyrighted._

* * *

**THE ABRIDGED CALVIN AND HOBBES THEME SONG! **(feel free to put it to whatever tune you wish – I personally wrote it to the tune of the _King of the Hill _theme)

_So once there was a newspaper comic strip and it was a lot of fun_

_But sadly after a mere ten years it had to end its run_

_So people starting writing fanfics detailing further escapades_

_And one young boy, Swing123, this series he had made!_

_But the main problem was_

_It wasn't very good cuz_

_Spelling errors infested it_

_And the plots were strange and full of it_

_So another boy, he had nothing to do_

_And made this parody:_

_Dunno if it'll be that good_

_I guess we'll have to see. _(Wee-hee!)

* * *

And now, the main event:

**From Humble Beginnings**

So, I don't think I need to describe Calvin to you, right? I mean, if you're reading this, you've probably got a good sense of his character. And if a friend made you read this, then my apologies. (Also, you might want to get better friends – preferably ones that don't force you to read random fanfics.)

Anyway, Calvin was standing under a tree, being bored. You know, children should really stop wasting their time being bored. They've got a whole life to live! Sorry, back to the story.

He decided to liven up his life for the moment by setting up a trap. For what, he wasn't sure – and didn't particularly care. But first, he had to get some bait. What would work as universal bait, a food or object enjoyed by every living creature?

Tuna fish, obviously!

And with that, Calvin headed for the kitchen, his path for once unimpeded. His mother was busy in the living room trying to get a solicitor off the phone (not that he knew the exact term for it), so the process was smooth and uneventful. He set the bait in the trap, and then went to tell Dad about his escapades.

"I've set up a trap!" he remarked. "Wow, really? I'm so proud my son decided to take up the family hunting business!" his dad replied. Calvin knew his dad was a big hunting nut, and that he always wanted him to go along with him – but he never did, because it was just a bit too much for him, with all the bloodshed and whatnot. With that, he got the heck out of dodge before his dad could tell him about the latest game he hunted with a disturbing amount of detail.

When he was a safe distance away, he sat down to hear for any leads on the status on his trap, which came a few seconds later: a tiger-like snarl, not five feet away from him! Calvin knew that his dad would be proud, but what about his own safety? After a bit, he decided that it was better to go out in a blaze of glory than to play it safe. His life would become known throughout the world as a true inspiration to young people everywhere!

Then he decided that he wanted ice cream, and made a mental note to ask Mom for some later in the day.

Calvin finally got over himself and found the tiger. It looked more like a Disney sort of animal than an actual jungle cat, and thankfully not homicidal or psycho… he thought. "I assume you can talk?" he inquired.

"Right you are," remarked the tiger. "Figured I should properly introduce myself to you. My name is Hobbes."

"Hobbes…" remarked Calvin, feeling some sort of connection. "That seems familiar. Anyway, do you want to go get something to drink?"

"Nah, I'm feeling kinda strange. I ate this funny-looking leaf two hours ago and everything since then has been a blur."

"Strange," thought Calvin. "Could I try it?"

"I dunno," said Hobbes. "The things I saw… they were not appropriate for younger minds. Plus, it might cause you harm."

"Then why are _you _allowed to try it?"

"Because I'm older than you. Now, where's the kitchen? I'm really hungry."

Calvin sighed. "Feel free to eat what you want. Just don't empty the fridge."

* * *

"Did you really empty the fridge?"

The duo stared at the family's fridge, which was presently bare of anything, food or not.

"I mean, seriously. You even ate the _cobwebs?_" Calvin said in disbelief.

"Those were cobwebs?" remarked Hobbes. "I could've sworn they were a fancy garnish."

"… really? I mean, you're an animal! You should probably know this stuff better than me!"

"Oh, please. I've only seen those in disused human locations. There aren't many spiders out in the jungle!"

"Whatever," sighed Calvin once more. "I get this feeling that you'll be a thorn in my side for years to come."

"Hey, I've seen your dad. Figures I'll end up protecting you from his maniacal bloodlust adventures."

Calvin paused. "Good point," he concurred. "But first, have you seen my killer bike?"

It was Hobbes' turn to be the straight man now. "Killer… bike?"

"Yeah! I swear, it keeps trying to bite me every time I get near it!"

"… you sure you've never tried that funny leaf plant?"

"Never heard of it, I swear. Now let's go see it!"

And with that, Calvin dragged Hobbes along to see the main attraction of the garage.

* * *

The bike stood in a corner, looking completely ordinary. Hobbes stared at Calvin.

"This is it?"

"Yep, this is it. Believe me, it's a lot scarier when I get near it. Watch and see!"

Calvin sprang towards the bike, and sure enough, it started trying to bite him.

"AGH! DIE, YOU STUPID TWO-TIRED TRASH DUMP!"

Hobbes watched as Calvin wrangled with what seemed to be a standard bike, not moving at all.

"… I'll just take your word for it."

"Come on! You have to be in the proper mindset. Just think about how this thing could run you over!"

Hobbes thought for a bit, and suddenly it all made sense. He wasn't sure how, but suddenly Calvin's side of things seemed logical. The bike changed form, now appearing as deadly as it was to Calvin. Suddenly realizing this danger, Hobbes leapt in and pushed Calvin out of the way, chaining the bike up and throwing it in a nearby cabinet.

"Phew, that was a close one. Now it all makes sense."

"Glad we can agree on something. Now let's go inside before Dad finds me and I get punished."

And they did. It was the start of a friendship that would change the world forever.

Just not yet, of course.

* * *

_A/N: Boy, this wasn't really "abridged" at all. I think I'll title this "The Annotated Series" instead (not to be confused with the comedy group on YouTube)._

_So, what'd you think? It'll get better later… I think.._


End file.
